In a morbid act of emotional fulfillment, a man in Thailand held a joint funeral & marriage ceremony for him and his recently deceased girlfriend. Kamsook, a young student, died unexpectedly in a mysterious ‘accident,’ details of which have not been clarified.

Chadil, Kamsook’s boyfriend, explained that in their ten years of being together, he felt he hadn’t done enough for her–and had put the idea of marriage on hold. Her sudden passing incited intense feelings of regret, and in a last attempt to reconcile his guilt and love for Kamsook, he placed a ring on her lifeless finger as a gesture of his eternal devotion.

I experienced a couple of reactions after reading this story…

1) The occasional love-cynic in me led me to believe this was a selfish gesture. Is this hugely public gesture a melodramatic outlet so that he can somehow forgive himself?

2) Disgusted-Dude, she’s actually dead…and what if she didn’t want to marry you? The man basically did it without her consent. He’s marrying her body, not her soul.

3) Then the true gemini in myself was awakened! A sincere wave of sympathy for the man overtook me like a calming wave. Can love push the bounds of mortality to deeply that the living rather be eternally bound to the dead than try to discover love anew?

Although strange and bold, I believe that this story made top news last week because of its ability to pull at everyone’s heart strings in one direction or another.

If I could put in my two cents about finding love, it would be this:

“if you are looking for love, stop. it will be waiting for you when you start doing the things you love”

Check out the Holstee Manifesto website to peruse their online shop and explore the mission behind the manifesto!

verb

The act of perusing through Facebook photos whilst facetiously narrating the victim’s failed, contrived attempts to authentically express their identity and individuality. Also see “To Shit On.”

“Have you seen that new Facebook album Cheryl put up of her and her boyfriend drinking Dom Perignon on a jetski in St. Thomas? I tooled all over that thing!” 

Derivatives; tooly (adverb)

Upward perspective of Maurizio Cattelan’s All exhibit at the Guggenheim Museum, open until the end of January. Every piece Cattelan has made since 1989 is suspended in what can only be called “riotous clusters” in the spiraling rotunda of the museum.

Cattelan, until now, had refused to showcase his art in a conventional gallery exhibition because he believed that each sculpture best makes its statement in isolation. In this final exhibit of his work, he continues to resist the traditional model, but hangs everything as a sign of ‘disrespect.’ As Nancy Spector, the Deputy Director and Chief Curator of the Guggenheim puts it, “Hoisted by rope as if on a gallows, the objects explicitly reveal the undertone of death that pervades the artists work. In total, the installation looks like a mass execution.” In my opinion, it is a true demarcation of the end of Cattelan’s provocative artistic career.

Just as frightening as it is captivating. Definitely worth checking out!

Oh childhood…

But actually this post is about my newfound affection for Kale.

I’m sure many have heard of Kale before, but have actively disregarded sampling, or even remembering it after hearing it was a “leafy vegetable.” Well, I have been there…sneering at the prospect that some “leafy vegetable” actually didn’t taste like bitter ass. It brought me back to the time that a friend whipped out a huge celery stalk, proclaiming “I LOVE CELERY” and angrily chomped away while everyone else ate popcorn…only  for us to later find out she was secretly on the Cabbage Soup Diet. And that other time that a friend swore that steamed broccoli tasted SO much better with General Tso’s Chicken. Come come now, please do not take me for a fool.

Stop lying to us, kid...I can still see the pain in your eyes.

So why should you believe me? Because today, I actively told someone that I wished kale could replace chips. This even caught me off guard, because over the years I have come to grips with the fact that I possess a borderline frightening love for crispy, salty, versatile, decadent chips. My love affair aside, this ready acceptance of kale into my circle of trust warranted immediate attention.

Kale is indeed a dark-green leafed vegetable. It is a type of cabbage from a similar genetic group as collard greens, broccoli, and our ever beloved brussel sprouts.

Kale...posing as the Smoke Monster in Lost.

It is rich in Vitamin K (good for bones), Vitamin C (good for immune system), Lutein (good for eyes), Zeaxanthin (also good for eyes) & beta-Carotene, which as as a part of the family of nutrients belonging to Vitamin A is (also good for the eyes…but similar to carrots, can turn your skin orange).

Blame it on the BBBBBBeta-Carotene?

Kale has been making some surprise celebrity cameos in my life recently, likely because I have been meandering through the more quintessentially hipster parts of town. Nonetheless, here are the top three of my recent samplings:

1. Brad’s Raw Leafy Kale from Brad’s Raw Foods

Suggested Flavor: VAMPIRE KILLER w/ Garlic & Vegan Cheese

Brad's Raw Leafy Kale "Naked" Chips

These crunchy little vegan morsels are all natural, gluten-free, not baked OR fried. This kale is actually dehydrated below 115 degrees, which unlike other production methods, helps the kale to retain its enzymes and nutrients. I grabbed mine at my local Whole Foods.

2. Amy Hamberry’s Kale Chip Factory Kale Chips

Suggested Flavor: Chocolate Chipotle

Amy with a batch of her Kale

I picked these up at Urban Rustic in Williamsburg post-haircut at Mousy Brown with a friend of mine. Amy, once a kindergarden teacher, really stumbled into the business by meeting the love of her life at the Park Slope Food Co-Op. Now she is the proud owner of a 750 square-foot solar-powered warehouse space in Crown Heights Brooklyn, where she, similar to Brad, dehydrates and spices up her kale with unique and contrasting flavors. No website or major grocer deal yet, but can be found at the Park Slope Food Co-op & New York Naturals. Speaking of which…

3. New York Natural’s Raw Vegan Kale Chips

Suggested Flavor: Bombay Ranch

Bombay Ranch Lookin' Fly

New York Natural’s got this down to a science. As New York Magazine has said, these kale chips are “Doritos for health nuts.” Air-drying seems to be the perfect approach–at 115 degrees for up to fifteen hours, product yields delectably crispy raw vegan wafers coated in nutty, spicy, and even fruity flavors.

And what makes all three of these options even better? They are all locally grown and distributed!

Now, I am obviously limiting myself to kale as a crispy snack. Kale can also be used in a multitude of recipes-but when you have a kitchen coated in boric acid in order to avoid roach infestation, sometimes culinary experiments must be put on pause. But if you want to be bold, check out this soup that my girl @juliabbennett made just last night:

Krafty Kale, trying to disguise itself as Spinach!

To conclude, it is bold to say kale can replace the power of the chip. But it is safe to say it is a healthy, sustainable alternative. Try out any of these given brands or flavors, and feel free to share recipe’s & other kale adventures with me @hendobear18!

I am an avid believer in what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger (shout out to Neitzsche)—you learn the most from when you fail. When shortcomings are truly realized is when you are enlightened to exactly the components that need to be altered. Without this clarity and insight through failure, there would be no improvement.

What makes a person improve is not only their ability to recognize & accept their failures, but actually use them as a catapult for future success. It is easy to become downtrodden and pity oneself upon failure because it undoubtedly is a blow to ones ego. But Michael Jordan became a basketball superstar not only because he could pinpoint and acknowledge his failures, but because he was able to create a strategic plan of action to never let those failures happen again.

Failure is not an outlet to quit or resign oneself, but rather an opportunity for success and improvement. This essential re-conceptualization of the process of failure can ultimately breed success. 

Upon hearing his seemingly outlandish request, I wanted to inform him that I am probably the most gentile looking individual on the island on Manhattan, and beyond that, why would I carry an entire golf cart full of Torahs out to a fishing and recreation program? He asked so sincerely and politely though, surely he could not be kidding!

I turned around and realized that he was pointing at fish posters that we gave away to our program participants who make a catch. All tightly wound up and bound by plastic tubing and a rubber band, I tried to contain my overwhelming urge to cackle wildly at this cultural assumption that all rolled papers were scrolls. At least 10 jokes relating to Harry Potter and general wizardry raced through my head as I reluctantly bit my tongue, smiled and passed him a poster without correcting him.

Takeaways?

Never help young Orthodox pick up their Yamacas during recreational activity..it will hugely upset the Rabbis.

An old boss recently helped me discover the “Yes Men”, a group of guys that at first seemed to me like just another “Da Ali G Show.” After conducting some further research, I discovered they have been around for a while (almost as long as Sasha Baron Cohen has put on fake austrian accents and gracing the world with his neon unitard) and have way more of a political swing.

One notable action was their SurvivaBalls campaign, where they designed large bubble costumes to “save corporate managers from abrupt climate change.” They posed as the company Halliburton @ the Catastrophic Loss conference held at the Ritz Carlton hotel in Amelia Island, Florida. My first question is, who in the right mind would attend a conference called Catastrohpic loss? Apparently people entirely bereft of rational thought process, because the audience believed that the SurvivaBall was legit. They ate up the speech with lines from ‘Fred Wolf’ like, I quote; “This technology is the only rational response to abrupt climate change,” he said to an attentive and appreciative audience.”

This is a SurvivaBall

Yes. The only rational way to accommodate the inevitable climate change that will occur as a result of global warming. “It’s essentially a gated community for one;” a “forward-thinking” solution so corporate profits do not have to be sacrificed to cut carbon emissions by 70%.

These guys are genius. I hugely admire when people can make influential sociocultural and/or political statements through satire; Stephen Colbert, Sasha Baron Cohen, and undoubtedly the Yes Men. Dare I say South Park? Lets not get too crazy. Anybody who is too thick-headed to understand the true comedic genius of their ‘truthiness’ I hope isn’t reading my blog. Check out more of the YesMen @ their site, apparently they have a movie in the works as well! They have some great new stories, such as “WTO Proposes Slavery for Africa,” and ” Exxon’s Climate-Victim Candles.”

“The first ever recyclable PET plastic beverage bottle made partly from plants. PlantBottle packaging looks, functions and recycles just like traditional PET plastic, but does so with a lighter footprint on the planet and its scarce resources.”

To break it down, the DASANI PlantBottle uses 30% ‘plant-based’ material to replace non-renewable petroleum & fossil-fuel based resources, to “save our world’s precious resources.”

The fact of the matter is that this attempt presents more questions than it does answers…here are a few of mine.

1. What are these mysterious ‘renewable plant-based materials’ replacing PET bottles? What species?

What sort of impact is it having on the ‘plant’ species? Is it plant waste? Just looking for a clarification.

2. When referring to ‘saving our world’s precious resources,’ it seems to me that the ‘precious’ resources being saved are actually the petroleum and fossil fuel based resources. The delightfully vague nature of the word ‘resource’ allows for misinterpretation with a hint of greenwash.

3. ~2 billion PlantBottle on shelves to cut environmental impact? What sort of demand are they going to incur on these ‘plant-based’ resources to meet this demand? Will it overstretch the supply?

PlantBottle

4. 30% renewable, 100% recyclable. Since when was bottle packaging not 100% recyclable? Now all of a sudden its a marketable attribute?

5. Funny how they launch the efforts for PlantBottle on their Dasani water line. Water, out of all the coca-cola products, is the product that shouldn’t be packaged in bottles in the first place. Why aim for 100% renewable and recyclable water bottles instead of investing in endeavors to eliminate the demand for bottled water altogether–incentivizing the purchase of reusable bottles, investing in water purification or treatment plants?

It is hard not to be skeptical of a corporation as large as the Coca Cola company, and it does seem like they are taking strides in the right direction. But we must never forget the almighty power of Greenwash, and never forget to ask questions.

But now I’ve officially decided that I need to rethink the assortment of lame tasks I’ve created for myself, because they are pathetic, dull, and quite honestly, not a lot of fun.

Examples:

1. See what Dean of CAS looks like, who sends me all those emails!

Yeah, his office is in our main academic building. Upon creepily peering my head into his office, I realized that I’ve actually seen him around at least 5 times before…I just didn’t know it was him. What a thrill.

2. Pull an all-nighter at Bobst!

…Check.

To note: I’m posting this at 5:15 in the AM. That is also because I’m about to graduate, and all time management skills that I’ve acquired have gone on a temporary hiatus. Guess where I am?

LL2 is oppressive.

3. Talk to the Time-Keeper on Washington Square East!

He seemed very disinterested in anything I had to say. Actually, that is a huge exaggeration…He seemed disinterested in my introduction. No conversation ensued thereafter.

Stay tuned, maybe I’ll tackle my next Bucket List item, like ‘Try the Pizza at Kimmel!’, or ‘Visit the Dental School Building!’ Oh the endless possibilities.

What can you make of this equation?

Notice any visual similarities?

If you didn’t already guess it, congrats-you haven’t yet descended into the dark abyss of superficiality where you strategically contort yourself for photographic perfection.

It is nothing less than a pathetic attempt at the ‘skinny arm’, otherwise known as the Sororibow–an INCREDIBLY intentional effort to flip out one’s elbow at ridiculous, strategic angles to give the appearance that one’s arm is borderline emaciated. Although this particular arm still has some junk in its trunk (would an arm’s trunk be the tricep? Lets not get too technical…), it is easily recognizable when positioned next to an actual bow and arrow.

Now, we all know that you totally DID NOT pose for this photograph wearing your old prom dress, and you just naturally always look svelte, tan, and perfectly made up…but could you stop potentially jabbing your friends in the stomach with your ‘strong arm’?